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(Illustration by the wonderful Mari Andrew.)
Restaurant Anxieties
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My husband cringes anytime a server asks “how’s everything tasting?” Once a server asked, “how are we tasting over here?” It almost sent him over the edge!
This would also be great from the servers side.
1. Seeing a large party sat in your section
2. Someone is wearing a sash.
3. someone says they are ready to only keep looking at the menu when you have 8 other tables to go to
4. asking for no oil
5. asking if the kitchen will make you a chicken salad because you see a roast chicken is offered and a side salad
6. someone not liking the cocktail you described as bitter because they think its bitter
7. watching the pen come out when the check comes to divide the amount onto 10 credit cards in odd amounts
8. asking for a well done steak and complaining about how long it takes even though you came to the restaurant 30 minutes before the lake game and thought you could get a well done steak in that time.
9. walking up in that awkward moment and sensing the annoyance on the customers face. Hey! you came here to eat, and i have to serve you! Which means I must talk to you.
There is a long positives list too!
“Waiter comes at an intense emotional moment” would be #1 on the list of range of server emotions too.
Touche’.
Once a year or so (or while in vacation), my husband and I will go to a top restaurant for dinner. We know we’re out of our league, but try and enjoy the experience and the food. It could be intimidating, but we try and do our best and remember that those people who are serving us are people just like us and not judgment machines.
Requirement to share!!
1. My kids being run over by a busy waiter.
2. My kids knocking over their food and drinks (several times!)
3. My kids starting to spoil the meal by either being jealous of their sipplings food or by starting a fight for no reason.
4. Me oblivious to enjoy my food because so absorbed by anxiety 1 and 2.
5. Me and my husband leaving the restaurant frustrated
PS: I LOVE my family – but at the moment we rather eat at home (LOL).
What a bad misspelling: “siblings” of course!
Figuring out how to eat lobster or crab. I order it infrequently and never remember how to get into the packaging! It’s like trying to open a package of batteries.
All fine dining: am I dressed well enough? Is a squid ink reduction actually good? Do I tip more because this place is so fancy? Am I supposed to talk very quietly like I’m in a library?
Menus with no prices. My husband and I were at a fancy little brunch spot in Tulum, and walked in looking all cool and confident, sat down at our table, and our waiter brought us water, so were were COMITTED. But then the menu had no prices, and the restaurant only took cash. We were so stressed out that we would end up having to wash dishes to “pay” for our meal that we couldn’t afford, we’d be found out as totally NOT chic and cool. It all worked out in the end, and the food was good!
Weird restaurant thing: We dine at a local restaurant every Friday at 6:00.
We are very conscious of getting there right on schedule because it fills up.
For two weeks in a row now, we were told we’d have to wait for a table even though there was a table open. It was ‘reserved’. I said, “I thought you didn’t take reservations.” “Well we don’t between 6 and 8. (?) But if you call ahead…” I stewed as that table sat open for over half an hour–twice now.
We’ve been dining at this place same time every week for years!
Shaking my head… And I promise we are low maintenance customers!
Server (and occasional diner) here! I totally commiserate about the unclear reservation policy at the restaurant. The bit about a table being open for over half hour is pretty typical, though. Dinner service usually takes at least an hour, and lots of people tend to linger even longer on the weekends or if they order wine. So, hosts/servers/restaurant managers will hesitate to seat someone at a table that has an upcoming reservation unless they are sure that the table can be cleared, bussed, cleaned, and set in time for the incoming party. This is the dark side of reservations – they can be incredibly frustrating for diners and restaurant workers alike because they have the potential to make the whole evening inefficient. I’m curious – since you go to this restaurant every week on the earlier side, maybe they would be open to creating a standing reservation for you?
Looks like no one has mentioned my big anxiety at restaurants….when you sit down and then no one pays any attention to you and you’re all “hmmm…no one sees us or remembers we sat down, do I say something?” And you know those other people who are ordering sat down after you did. Usually, you just need to be patient, but yikes!
And then on the other end….”So they remember we’re still here? Don’t they want us to pay and move along?”
When you can see the people waiting to be seated and they are resentfully watching you take every bite.
Good to know it’s not just me! I am the one that thinks about where I sit in a restaurant. I hate sitting in the middle of a room it feels like EVERYONE is watching you.
“How are those first few bites tasting?”
UGH.
“fine, but my full mouth is preventing me from talking to you.”
I also HATE this.
I’ve worked as a server at a fancy restaurant for years, and I just wanted to say that while that can be very annoying to hear (and it’s even annoying sometimes to have to ask!), it’s an important part of making sure that guests are satisfied. We’re required to ask in the first few minutes how the food is (in a polite, noncreepy way, hopefully) because if there is a problem with the food it’s so much easier to fix it then! It’s really a genuine concern to make sure the restaurant has done their part right, and fix it if not.
Believe me, most servers hate asking this question as well, but it does serve a purpose! Lots of diners are afraid to speak up when there is an issue with their meal, or if they need some kind of sauce, salt, etc. They are also sort of “stuck” in their seats. So, servers try to be proactive and open the door to that conversation. Maybe there are better ways to open up this server-diner dialogue, though!
I’m not that anxious in restaurants because there’s a general formula to follow and people mind their business usually. It’s BARS that I absolutely dread. I don’t even go to bars anymore because I can’t handle the anxiety!
As someone who loves to eat out, I think the most important thing to remember is that restaurant staff are people too. I’ve found if I have done something embarrassing and laugh it off with the staff member with me at the time, it actually creates a wonderful and warm feeling of being in it together.
Agreed. I spent a good number of years in the restaurant business, and given the resentment and anxiety expressed in some of the comments, it seems worth pointing out that servers have a job to do, and that is primarily to make sure that diners have an enjoyable meal. In addition to whatever their management is asking them to prioritize, that includes informing you of any off-menu specials or menu changes, presenting a bottle of wine before opening it to make sure it is what you ordered, checking in periodically to see if you need something or to ask how your food is, and responding to concerns, questions, or complaints. Civility, courtesy, respect and a certain amount of professional friendliness go along with these transactions. If the interactions make you anxious for some reason, remember that we share responsibility for what we contribute to the communication and experience, and falling back on courtesy and respect is always a win. The customer has relatively greater leverage and influence, and a server is often in a position of relative powerlessness, and is at the mercy of the customer’s whims. Whatever your discomfort with being asked how your food is, I can promise you that a server has had to be on the receiving end of all manner of rudeness and weirdness, some of which would make your hair stand on end. Restaurant work environments are notoriously difficult, especially for women. So being able to communicate well and ask for what you need to enjoy your meal will go a long way to ensuring you have a pleasant experience. Often a simple “no, thank you” or “yes, please”, or other feedback courteously offered will do the trick. Because whatever frustrations or anxieties we have, those likely are not going to be eased by treating someone with unkindness or contempt. As Dave Barry says, “A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.”
VERY well-stated, Claire. Amen, sister, I say, AMEN! Wish I’d said it myself. And I too, was a waitress once upon a time.
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